I have to admit I had a really hard time writing this. For the past several weeks I’ve just been… inspiration-less. I’ve been tired, worn out, overwhelmed, and quite frankly those are the finest ingredients for a nice little dose of writer’s block. I started to think about what my life has looked like over the past couple of months and figured out the secret- I just need to be transparent.
Life is hard. Anyone that says it’s easy is lying. I believe it was meant to be hard. In God’s magnificent design, His intention is not for us to slide by like a cute little kid on a playground ride. It’s meant to be messy, chaotic, up and down. I believe this was a grand design so that we must learn how to lean on Him. To be transparent. To open our hearts and let Him in to WORK.
As the year comes to a close, I’ve taken some time to just sit back and reflect. It’s easy to see that 2016 has been nothing short of a whirlwind. From settling into our first year of marriage, buying our first home, taking on (two) new jobs between the both of us, and finding my way in a new role as a “pastors wife.” There have been days when I so just want to quit. Hiding under the covers from sun up to sun down has been tempting many more times than I care to admit. Questioning God on why in the world He has placed me where I am today has been an often occurrence in my head. Wondering what in the world my greater purpose is and why our world feels so broken. Why can’t I rescue every child suffering in Syria right now? Why can’t I be a high level executive in my dream job? Why do I not look like the picture perfect platinum blonde on my Instagram Explore page? Why can’t I have all of the money in the world? So many questions and doubts.
The truth is, God already knows. He already knows my thoughts before I think them. He already knows my doubts, my questions, my worries. And, I need to be better at letting Him have all of the things that are in my head. He’s already there, and He wants my transparent heart.
My prayer is that 2017 will be full of transparency. Not just between God and I, but in my marriage, in my family, and my friends. I am so thankful for new beginnings.
What types of things are you praying about for the new year?